2. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. Run. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. 195. Art doesnt transform. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. 23. Decomposing. Laughter keeps us from taking life too seriously, and life certainly does everything it can to ensure that we take it too seriously. 4. 267. We have a connection. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. 110. "Have a great Wednesday. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. - Kyle Chandler. 7. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. Bill Murray, 260. It has nothing new to tell you. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. Declare your affirmations slowly and clearly. And a funny bone. "Today will be a great day". Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. I am not letting an episode of my life ruin the entire show. It just plain forms. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. 224. 10. You never run out of things that can go wrong. 116. 140. I am attractive just as I am. Sincerely, the floor. Shoot for the moon. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. 146. 90. 153. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. Albert Einstein What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. I dont think thats a coincidence., 3. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. A gummy bear. Some when they enter, others when they leave., 2. 21. Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Because seven ate nine. 6. Why was six scared of seven? I dont suffer from insanity. I tell you what always catches my eye. The rest are too expensive. 10. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. But this shouldnt be a problem, as you can come up with your own humorous affirmations. I always find something funny in every situation. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. Charles M. Schulz How do you count cows? I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. 137. 79. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. 32. 9. My mom scolds me for no reason. I am enough. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. 161. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? 1. Ive been doing nothing for years. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. 186. I am lazy till I get a motive. 96. It's why you may feel excinervous (aka excited and nervous at the same time). The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. ~ Bill Gates. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. Yeah, so is a grenade. 88. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. Ive got three bones. 3. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. ( @malacollective) Fear and adventure go hand-in-hand when you're following your dreams. 154. My jokes do. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. 207. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. I can do this. Frances McDormand 43. I am quite fascinating. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. 40. 266. You try again, but no sound is coming out. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. I love living in my unique female body. I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. Edward A. Murphy 89. 93. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. 226. 87. I am awesome. Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. 197. "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". 46. 56. Swimming trunks. 193. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. Any text will do. 23. 66. Some people are like clouds. 5. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. Gary Delaney 190. 17. People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. 172. Alright, get in the basket. 202. Absorb these 41 positive quotes and positive affirmations and start feeling positive now! Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Albert Einstein. Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. I am adventurous. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 264. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. Allow yourself to laugh if you feel the need. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. 5. I am so f*cking awesome. What do computers eat for a snack? Bill Murray 264. - George Burns. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. 124. Its scary when it disappears. Short people with an umbrella. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. 19. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. 73. Nothing, they just waved. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. 142. I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". Benjamin Franklin I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. 35. 45. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. I will go out. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. I am grateful for all that I have. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. Infographic: What is the Ultimate Commitment. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. Stuart Turner Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Chris Rock, 256. Inspiring Quotes About Life "Here, we like to keep you inspired by showing you beautiful words of wisdom based . I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. Some when they enter, some when they leave. 102. 133. Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. 12. Focus on the positives and be grateful. The world is my buffet, and my plate is ready to go. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. 279. These affirmations will help you to combat the lies of the enemy in every aspect of your life. "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". Today I will embrace the poop. 260. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. I didnt want to interrupt her. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. 3. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Take a look! Why did the school kids eat their homework? What is Mozart doing right now? 36. I release all shame about my body. 50. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. Dave Barry You can't wait for inspiration. 45. Your email address will not be published. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. Everyone brings happiness to this office. A mind is like a parachute. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Well, life isn't just about glitz and glamour nor rainbows and butterflies. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. 130. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. I am grateful for that time. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. 8. 2. 101. I draw from my inner strength and light. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. 85. 20. Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. As I become responsible, I have got more powers. 132. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. 104. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. 8. 42. 48. I enjoy every minute of it. I intend to live forever. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. 26. How do astronomers organize a party? The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. 276. 230. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. Walter Bagehot. I have a lot to offer. It's OK to take a break. 241. In the morning, I cant get up. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". 29. 46. Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. Wilson Mizner 92. 59. Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. I am fine. Alright, get in the basket.. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. I did it! People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. 160. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. 214. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. 124. 118. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. 189. I create my life on a quantum level. 156. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. Exercise? Positive affirmations aren't about tricking kids into mentally looking at life with eyes that only see what they want to see. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. 188. Be careful when you follow the masses. 108. 4. 268. 34. 147. 30. Steven Alexander Wright Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. 186. 7. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. A backbone. You have to go after it with a club. Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. I try to see the funny side of every situation. 272. The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. It may feel useless but just get into it. Why cant you trust an atom? Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. 139. 222. 247. My farts aren't nearly as bad as my dogs'. Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. I am intelligent. 245. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. Funny Daily Affirmations. 26. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. 246. I dont care! This is the beauty of funny affirmations. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. 215. You wanna know who Im in love with? 135. "You're in mint condition for a vintage model. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. 266. I enjoy every minute of it. Franklin Jones Enjoy! I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. Funny Friday Quotes. It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. 203. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time., See also: 210 Killer Self Love Captions For Instagram To Lift You Up. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. 236. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. I am strong and getting stronger every day. 173. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. 212. Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. 231. Robert Bloch I tried, but they wanted cash. Never take life seriously. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Those who snore always fall asleep first. 57. You can write them down and use them whenever you're attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. 169. 224. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. My friends are like rocks, they help me through hard times. 122. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow.
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